Sorry
by Somebody's Dark Angel
Summary: Technically, she is okay. Physically, at least. But mentally, it's not so easy. Today she feared for her life. Set after 3.07.


**Sorry**

Shannon considers Stella to be her best friend. She has other friends, people she's known longer, shared her childhood with. But, as much as they try to, people outside the force cannot understand. Her friends go to their jobs, do their work and come home; if they take their work home with them, it's a literal thing of taking papers or a laptop out of the office. For Shannon – for all police officers – it's different. They see the worst of society, every evil that the common citizens hope they'll never encounter. Shannon can't help but carry the burden home every night.

Stella understands, without Shannon having to spell things out; making the idea of complaining to her all the more attractive. Though she is a negotiator, skilled in getting others to talk about their problems, Shannon doesn't like talking about her own feelings.

They don't spend all their time together outside of work – both are way too independent for that. But, whenever she needs a shoulder to cry on, or a punching bag to rip into, Stella is there.

Tonight, she doesn't want either. This morning, Andrew Kronin kidnapped her, held her (mostly) against her will for the entire day, and the only thing that prevented him killing her was the need to save his own skin. Though she makes sure not to show it, she's still shaking. Everyone asks her if she's okay, and most accept it when she lies through her teeth and says yes. She even manages to smile at Josh, to put the icing on the lie. Lawson is too caught up in his own campaign to catch Kronin to notice her slight hesitation, and the younger boys think she's indestructible.

Technically, she is okay. Physically, at least. A sprained ankle is nothing in the scheme of police and sports injuries she's had over the years. But mentally, it's not so easy. Today she feared for her life. Yes, it all turned out okay, but that doesn't change the fact that she thought she would die today.

When Stella accepts her 'fine' without so much as a blink, Shannon's resolve crumbles. Except her version of 'crumbling' is to lash out. She does so verbally, knowing that she'll never be able to physically compete with Stella in her weakened state. Stella resists the fight, confused and worried about her friend. So Shannon taunts her, making points she knows Stella won't be able to ignore.

It works, almost too well. Stella bites back instantly, and the fight is on. Shannon leans against her locker, outwardly calm despite the coiled fury inside, while Stella stalks back and forth in front of her own locker. It's such a typically 'Stella' reaction, Shannon has to fight to hide her smile, even as she fires a retort to her pacing best friend; Stella has never been great with words, especially when she is unable to back them up with actions.

Stella's words barely sting; Shannon's too far gone to comprehend the underlying meaning. She's not angry at Stella, not really. Stella's just the focus of her ire, something she can take it out on. Truthfully, Shannon is angry at herself. For succumbing to the fear; for allowing herself to think there was no escape; for letting herself be taken; for putting herself in the situation in the first place. It may be largely Kronin's fault, but it's hers as well. If she hadn't crashed her bike, she would never have been kidnapped. Kronin would likely be wounded, if not dead, but she is too self-absorbed to think about that possibility right now. At the moment, it is all about Shannon.

Eventually, when she feels her ire petering out, Shannon snaps up her bag and limps out with as much dignity as she can muster. She can feel Stella turn as she passes, can almost sense the younger woman's confusion. But she doesn't speak. As much as she'll hate herself for it later, she's testing her best friend. She needs to know that the friendship is balanced; that Stella can recognise what she's hiding, the same way Shannon knew what was wrong after the hostage shooting. All it would take is one touch, one look, one sentence.

Though she can feel Stella's gaze on her back, nothing else is forthcoming. With a broken heart and a tear on her cheek, Shannon continues out the door. When she reaches her car, she leans against it, but it's not her ankle that needs the support. She lets the tears flow as she speaks the words she knows she should have said a minute earlier. "I'm sorry, Stell."


End file.
